April 2012
7 posts
1 tag
1 tag
2 tags
2 tags
3 tags
3 tags
March 2012
6 posts
2 tags
The Sensitive Man
Was emailed this joke by a buddy of mine this morning.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that on one wall of his bedroom there are three shelves covered, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!
It...
2 tags
3 tags
You want me to do what???
*Disclaimer*
I was told this story by my roommate a few days ago, and while we both question its truth it is way to good not to share with all of you.
The story starts on a road. A road engulfed in the shadows of vast evergreens, stretching as far as the eye can see. From the tree tops you can barely see the winding asphalt as it disappears into the sprawling Washington State landscape.
Dom,...
2 tags
WatchFor some reason I’ve watched this guy freak out a few times today. I don’t understand the culture of this game, but Francis’ passion is absolutely captivating.
4 tags
The Blind Date
Alright, so some of you have emailed me asking why I stopped writing and when could they expect their next post? I’ve been so swamped with work and a personal project I didn’t even realize I began neglecting you faithful followers. So for that I apologize. There has been a lull in my blog material because I’m working on directing and producing a short film that I wrote back in...
February 2012
8 posts
2 tags
marmaldegirl asked: What's your favorite thing about having red hair?
2 tags
4 tags
Conditioned Expectations
I sat behind the desk of an absent co-worker inquisitively scanning his office walls. Somewhere deep down I knew what had just transpired could only happen to me. The week had been miserable, but somehow here in the aftermath of absurdity I found myself at home. Maybe there is a reason these bizarre things happen to me. Maybe I was put here to navigate through life’s shits storms only to...
4 tags
2 tags
“It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.”
– Bill Watterson
3 tags
Allergies and Novocaine
Back when bed bugs were coursing their way through Manhattan apartments like an unstoppable rebel force (about a year ago), there was no feeling worse than waking up to a few itchy red blemishes on your body. Or at least that’s what I thought….
There I stood, staring at myself in the mirror one fateful August morning. I had a terrible toothache but more disconcerting I had what looked...
January 2012
3 posts
2 tags
Lost In Translation
It’s a shitty, rainy day here in Manhattan and for the first time in a while I decided to stay shacked up in my office and have my lunch delivered to me. Little did I know that a mere 83 minutes later I’d feel terrible about myself and ultimately my decision making.
12:55- My stomach emits a sound alerting me that I need nourishment. I’ve only had a banana thus far in the day,...
2 tags
4 tags
To Moments...
Valentine’s day is a little over a month away, and for the first time in a few years I’ll be spending it single. I’m stoked, not with the idea of going out to a bar with some of my single friends and preying on depressed, vulnerable females but more because I won’t have to buy some lame gift to illustrate just how “romantic” I am to someone...
December 2011
10 posts
3 tags
Ode to the asshole. Chapter I.
I don’t particularly like people. People don’t seem to have a problem liking me though, which means my acting prowess surpasses my disdain for humanity and its insatiable appetite for stupid shit. In these posts, that I’ve appropriately entitled “ode to the asshole,” I’ll set my crosshairs on the people I come across in my day to day that deserve me forcefully...
2 tags
Have You Seen This Man?
So I was watching this documentary last night called, “The Thin Blue Line.” It documents the murder of a Texas police officer in 1976 and the conviction of the man accused of shooting said lawman. The plot of this movie is irrelevant to this post, so I’ll keep my details about the story sparse.
This sorry son of a bitch, Randall Adams, runs out of...
3 tags
2 tags
The Double Dutch Situation
It was Saturday night; I was sitting at a local pub enjoying the illustriousness of conversation and Pabst Blue Ribbon with a buddy of mine when I caught a tantalizing gaze from a neighboring female. She was in the midst of her own conversation and due to the allure of her low cut v-neck blouse had the attention of a few other potential suitors. We locked eyes for a fleeting moment and one...
5 tags
Why grandma?
Over the weekend I was installing my grandmothers VHS player (her refusal to adapt to any time period past 1975 is infuriating) when she asked me, “so my handsome guy what do you want for Christmas this year?” I usually tell my sweet old grandma that I don’t want anything and am happy to just hang with her for the weekend, but since that answer has prompted her to buy me the same...
9 tags
Can Cusack survive in a Zuckerberg world?
There was a time, and John Cusack can attest to this, when you could break up with a chick and experience a very therapeutic reinvention. Regardless of whether you were the “dumper” or “dumpee” there was a timeline of events that would eventually lead you to this reinvention. At least that’s what John Hughes and most of late eighties “rom-coms” would...
2 tags
5 tags
Impending doom for Super Bowl half time?
“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” – The Wizard of Oz
It’s the most sought after prize in professional sports, the Holy Grail in the eyes of 32 owners, 1,696 players and countless fans. I’m talking of course about the “Lombardi Trophy” and being a part of the NFL franchise that hoists it above their heads after the Super Bowl. I’ve sat in front of the television on that...
6 tags
Is Fat Funny?
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” – Dean Vernon Wormer
I have always considered myself somewhat of a decent person. That decency is hinged on my genuine care for the human condition and my inherent goodness. A goodness that is often paradox to my sense of humor since most of what I consider to be funny can be conceded as being mean spirited. I’m...